Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mark Sanford -- you are my freakin' hero

Mark Sanford -- I love you man!
I mean, if you're going to end your political career, don't just stand there with your stricken wife at your side and mumble the rote apologies.
No, do a complete and total mess of a 20 minute flameout with stream of consciousness rambling about hikin' the Appalachian trail and apologies to everyone you've ever known, including the checkers at the local Bi-Lo for lettin' them down too. Or maybe I just imagined that part -- about the Bi-Lo -- because by the time he got to his last apologies my mind was ramblin' along with his, and there we were, side by side hikin' the Appalachian trail together, experiencing "the tranquility that comes with being in a virtual wilderness of trees and marsh, the day breaking and vibrant pink coming alive in the morning clouds - and getting to build something with each scoop of dirt."
Yes. Yes. Yes. I know exactly what you mean Mark Sanford! The trees, the marshes, the pink, the dirt. Yes!
And then, there's that "whole sparkin' thing" he had going on with his Argentinian love. Sparkin'? Is that some kind of South Carolina slang for the usual thing you do when you're having an illicit affair? I imagined the two of them on the beach in Rio, rolling around in the sand, sparkin' up the night. And it made me feel happy. Happy that passion still exists even if it makes a man ruin his life for just a little more spark. How many people actually get to go down in flames like that?
There he was drivin' up and down the coast of Argentina, drivin' and sobbin', sobbin' and drivin' -- who hasn't done that? Or wanted to? The passionate abandonment of it all! I only hope his Argentinian love made him gin bucket to put in the back seat and didn't forget the turkey baster. That's what you do in South Carolina when you're sobbin' and drivin'. Especially drivin'.
And last, but not least, as the recipient of a couple of romantic e-mail missives myself back in the day, I couldn't help but appreciate some of the e-mails he sent to his lady love in Argentina. What woman wouldn't want to find this in her INBOX?

"You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night's light. Despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul."

Mark Sanford, you rock.

1 comment:

Jo Ann said...

At the press conference, Sanford would have done better to lip sync to The Four Top's "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bun)." It would have made the moment seem less bizarre.